If you remember my post from earlier this year, I said I had 3 intentions. I didn’t go into detail about them, but I have shared some hints. One of those intentions is creating healthier relationships. Oops…I just shared one. Oh well. It is to create healthier relationships with myself, people I care about and God. I’m still working on the people I care about part.
However, this post is about my relationship with God and why I made it a priority of all years to develop a deeper relationship to become a Faith Blogger. Thus, helping me have a healthier relationship with myself. Which I pray leads to healthier relationships with people I care about.
Last year was terrible. Awful. Frustrating. Miserable. Sad. Depressing. HORRIBLE.
And if I never see some of those people again, God answered my prayers.
Now I’m not angry anymore. I’m just done. Done with people who took advantage and decided to reap rewards off my hard work and seeds I sowed. I digress. This isn’t an angry post. It’s one about evolving as a person. You’ll read more as I blog about being a Faith Blogger.
I was on Twitter like I am most days just scrolling to see what’s happening. I actually scroll as part of my strategy but that’s another blog post as well. Back to January 2 I believe. I was scrolling and Adeea Rogers tweeted about reading the Bible in a year. I was like why not. I asked how to sign up and did. I started January 3, 2019. I know because I am journaling through as I read.
I like to challenge myself. I felt if I could do that it would allow me to get my mind off things that cut me deeply.
I kept the pace. I stuck to the schedule. It’s a lot of reading though. But I read 43 books last year. So, this shouldn’t be too hard. But it’s a lot of reading, y’all.
And eye-opening. I realize way too many people twist scriptures for their own personal agendas. Glad to have my eyes open now.
Why am I sharing about reading the Bible when this post is supposed to be about fasting? I’m getting there.
As the months went by, I was slowly releasing hurt feelings. And some things surfaced that I didn’t know were there. Like I let one person have it. He deserved it though.
By July I was feeling lighter and relief was creeping in. I was going through the reading schedule one Saturday and realized a couple of weeks repeated. I went through to find what books I haven’t gotten to and made sure the reading schedule was fixed.
As I was doing this, a voice clear as freaking day said 40 days. That was it. I was like a fast? And I heard yes. I said I can’t do a fast today because I already ate, lol. I said I would start the next day. Which was July 21 and end on August 29.
That’s a long time fasting. Jesus fasted 40 days twice I believe. But this is the longest time period I know of anyone fasting. And why did I have to fast 40 days when I never really understood what it was or meant?
Now I have heard of fasting in the Christian faith, but it was always tied to either losing weight or wanting something. As if God is a genie granting wishes. So, I didn’t take it seriously. Then I began working with a Muslim last year and she was telling me about Ramadan. I asked a lot of questions because I see them do it every year and they seem committed. Well, lol, they aren’t as committed as they seem. Guess Muslims and Christians have a lot more in common than they think.
Anyway, the concept of eating one meal a day was something I said I could never do. Yet, here’s God saying that’s exactly what you’re going to do. So, my fast consisted of eating 1 meal a day, NO SNACKS AT ALL and water or juice throughout the day. And I did it. I didn’t cheat. However, there were a handful of days when I had to eat nuts or fruit early because I was doing a FB Live during the time I designated to eat my one meal.
Honestly, I didn’t struggle with it. I was fine. It was more about willpower, determination, discipline, obedience. And I needed to prove to myself that I could obey the Will of God.
The last weekend I decided to do a total fast because I had been watching hours of videos on Youtube about fasting from Dr. Myles Monroe, Dr. Tony Evans and Jentezen Franklin. And they all talked about a total fast.
What is a total fast? No food at all. Just water or tea.
Well I don’t drink tea, so I drank a lot of water.
During the total fast is when struggle became an issue. I was tired, exhausted, had a headache and lacked energy. So, I ate a peach. That’s it. In a 72-hour period I drank water and 1 peach. When I finally broke the fast my throat was on fire. Felt like it closed during that time period. And I wanted to cry as I ate but I needed to break my fast because my body was getting weak. And they said it in their sermons your body will get weak. That’s when the Holy Spirit will take over.
I broke down several times crying. In one day, I cried 4 separate times. It was an emotional journey. I also didn’t share because I wanted this fast to be real. I didn’t want or need applause for it. I wanted to understand pure surrender. Plus, in their sermons and in the Bible it says not to share during your fast. Not to dress in sackcloth or draw attention to yourself during this time. I even hosted a Facebook Live series and no one even knew I was on a fast.
I’m sharing now because I want others to know you can go through this process without documenting it on social media. As well as how I crafted my fast. Especially if you were like me and didn’t grasp the concept of fasting.
What is the purpose of a fast? To grow so close to God that you clearly hear his voice. That’s my definition. But that’s what happens when you take away pleasantries and only have God as your focus.
In addition, to fasting and praying daily for 40 days, I read the Bible. With my reading schedule it allows for 2 days off weekly. Well I decided to read nonstop. That means daily. And that’s how I got 3 weeks ahead. When this post comes out, I’ll be on week 39 of 52 weeks. When in fact, I should be on week 36. But I pushed ahead because I felt fasting, reading the Bible and praying daily would get me closer to my breakthrough.
And it didn’t exactly pan out the way I prayed it would. I didn’t get all these blessings I see others posting about after their fast. Please note they may have had things in the works long before they did a fast. So speed of blessings isn’t instant just because you did a fast.
I didn’t get windfalls of money or opportunities. And I was disappointed for a minute. Then I had to reevaluate what I did receive due to my 40-day spiritual fast.
This is what I received:
- Clarity on who I am.
- Understanding of how I allowed my anger and hurt to cripple me.
- Knowing what I should do with my blog.
- Recognizing that my assumptions of others makes me look like an ass.
- Peaceful sleep. Like for real peaceful sleep first time in a really long time.
- See how strong I truly am.
- The weight of burdens lifted off me.
- The feeling of being secure in who I am.
- Being okay with the fact I must be in a season of not getting the recognition I believe I deserve.
- Acceptance that who I thought I was in the blog world is not who I’m seen as at this time.
- Power to break generational patterns.
- No desire to want to fight everyone especially those who get on my last nerves.
Yep, not the windfall of money I prayed for. However, the revelations of the evolution of who I am meant to be. And this is worth so much more than any windfall of money could ever be. Now I’m a Faith Blogger.
I chose healing & happiness as the title because this is what I am doing. I’m on a journey to heal my emotional and mental wounds. And with that healing will come the happiness I deserve to experience in this lifetime.
My first 40-day spiritual fast was a test. It was a test to see how committed I am to my relationship with God. And this test is the foundation of how I will move through life as well as the blog business I am building moving forward. My blog business will be based on ethics, morals, integrity, honesty like always. But the overwhelming commitment to those characteristics was made extremely clear through my fast.
A lot has happened in the past 19 months of my life and blog. It was emotionally draining and debilitating. But I had no choice but to fight my way out of that deep dark hole. And I did. With the help of God, I am moving into a new season. I had to go through a tilling season, but the seeds are planted. And I am ready to accept the next season of my life.
I encourage anyone who is going through a truly difficult time in your life to find something to help you dig deep within. Sometimes the seeds we need to plant are the seeds planted to make us a better person. And not so much for making us a materialistic rich person.
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