It’s hard being an introvert in the black church. We go to church to be filled with the spirit so we can make it through the week. In today’s time, it’s so much coming at us that having a strong spiritual side is necessary. However, as an introvert it’s exhausting to attend a black church in the south.
I was going to make a list then I thought maybe not. See, I used to work at a black church in college. So I know what happens behind the scenes. Now, I’m not here to talk about that. But it does feed into my anxiety attending church. Being both on staff and a member of churches since birth, church can be a nervous, anxiety ridden space for introverts like myself.
And yes, even this foul-mouth, outspoken person worked at a church. I acted like I had good sense. I was there to serve the children and young adults. And that’s what I did. Why I left the church is a whole ‘nother post for another day. Now back to why it’s hard for introverts to attend a black church.
First, when you walk through the door everybody and they mama want to greet, hug and ask you about yourself. That’s not bad, right? Well, what if you don’t like being touched or spoken to unless you’re in the mood?
If you attend Sunday School then you are expected to engage with your class, share how the scripture touched you and be “present”. Reading and exploring scriptures is a personal journey for everyone. But to have to share your thoughts on it in public can be daunting.
Now we’re to the actual church service. Y’all know I’m skipping parts of church service but I don’t have all day to walk you through.
In church when the Pastor says to hug, touch or greet your neighbor is when an introvert is ready to get our Bible and walk right up on out. Again, we are being forced to interact with people. This is probably why you see us sitting down and then the Pastor gets all loud saying, ‘don’t be shy we got so and so sitting down. Somebody come greet and hug them.” Me with the side eye because I was staying seated for a reason.
And don’t be an introvert visiting a church and you are recognized for being a visitor. Then you have to share your name, church home, Pastor, etc. That’s that COGIC and black Southern Baptist mix I grew up in. Thanks to my parents coming from two different denominations.
One of the most anxiety-filled parts of church is when the Pastor is in his/her groove and start saying we need to fill this place. In other words, we need to shout our thanks to God. Good lawd y’all. That part of church makes me nervous and wears me out. I am a reserved introvert. So I don’t like to outwardly express myself or emotions. That doesn’t mean I don’t love God. Nor does it mean I don’t have a relationship. We actually have a pretty close one. We talk all day to each other. He says something and sometimes I don’t listen. Then I have to face up to being hard headed.
Back to the church service.
I used to sing in the church choir actually. I’ve actually sang with a few gospel artists you know. That is my FAV part of church. Letting the words. The message. Of the songs enter my mind. As an introvert even though I’m in the zone during this part of the church service, still doesn’t mean I’m going to outwardly express myself. I usually just clapped when I sang in the choir and hoped no one paid attention to me. It was hard when I dyed my hair red in college and after service everyone said they saw me. Not what to do if you want to blend in with 50+ other people.
One thing that bothers me more than anything else is when the Pastor tells us how to worship. What if I don’t care to sing out loud, dance, clap my hands, shout, etc? Yet, I praise God in my heart, daily actions. I love the Lord, I really do. But church eh……..it can be a place that will send introverts back into our shell to pray for the ones we know faking and fronting in the house of the Lord.
I agree wholeheartedly!!