Y’all I made it. One year down and another one to go. Surviving Ministry School has been a grueling journey for me. Like I don’t even know where to begin to share or how much. I don’t want to scare anyone off. But I also want to share the transformation that is happening in my life. However, I do know God has not released me to share my full testimony yet. So we’ll have to do with some key insights I gathered this past semester of ministry school.
The emotional upheaval almost took me out a few times. I cried, cried and cried some more. It was exhausting. It seemed like an insane amount of attacks were coming out of nowhere and I had no clue why nor was prepared to handle them. So I did my best to work through them and focus on school. To do my best to pass the class. And I did. THANK GOD!!!
However, it was as if doing a deep study of the Bible opened wounds I didn’t know I had or I thought were healed. Seeing myself in a reflection that I no longer wanted to be associated with. Being able to understand finally that growth required more than sacrifice but losing quite a lot in the process. Not sure but I think God drained me so I could stop caring what others think, say or do. Now I’m working on just being me. Not giving my two cents unless asked and even then with discernment. Most times I’m doing well in that department. Y’all, I’m too exhausted to get into drama; my own or anyone else’s.
Most importantly, I’m too exhausted to hold onto all the things that hurt me, broke me or traumatized me. So many people I walked away from and I don’t think they even realized it. Or care. NONE of them tried reaching out but my 2 closest friends. They were the only two who have checked in on me. Surviving Ministry school was eye-opening this semester to look back on all that fell out of my life in such a short span of time. Yet, I feel lighter nor am I missing anything or anyone.
There were 2 key things that I believe helped me make it through this semester.
Study group helped me not only be prepared for class but hear, share and discuss other perspectives or interpretations of Scripture prior to class. It was also a place we could question and ask questions in a safe, judgment-free space. It was invaluable to be part of my study group as we encouraged, motivated and prayed for each other not just to make it through the semester but in distressing times in our life. I’m so grateful to be in my study group with women who bring a varied experience and perspective to ministry.
Prayer group was started by a classmate who felt it was needed. And it was. I learned I wasn’t the only one feeling like I was suffocating or drowning emotionally at times. I had people whom I’ve never met pray for me, speak life into me and encourage me when I shared. I’ve never belonged to a prayer group before. Where prayer was all we did; Bible study was not part of it. I felt more comfortable sharing with the prayer group leader about my troubles than my own family at times. Even though I wasn’t used to belonging or being part of a prayer group and at times I wasn’t outwardly expressive, I genuinely feel joy that I am part of the group.
Surviving ministry school this semester was not only getting out of my own head, processing my emotions, accepting that I had to let go of things as well as putting myself out there but also creating new connections with people I didn’t have a personal relationship with before. And I’m glad I did. These 2 groups of women have done more for me than people I’ve known for years. God opened my eyes to show me that there are people who are kind and caring without expecting or wanting anything in return.
Ministry has a bad reputation these days. And deservingly so with all that has been allowed to happen without consequences. However, there is a new wave of ministry leaders coming thru and we’re preparing ourselves to fill the gaps and voids so more souls can return to Christ to receive nourishment from this toxic world.
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