Year 36: Restoration

¹⁴ The Lord will fight for you while you [only need to] keep silent and remain calm.”

Exodus 14:14 Amplified Bible (AMP)

I may like to fight but sometimes I don’t need to. And the past few years God showed me I didn’t have to. He would handle it. All I had to do was be silent and stay calm. Easier said than done.

Three words have defined the past year of my life:  shift, worthy, transformation. And now I’m moving into restoration.

I want to break down what each of the three words meant to me over the past years as I reflected this past week leading up to my birthday. Which is today, y’all. Wasn’t sure if you knew that or not, lol.

Anyway, it wasn’t until I was speaking with a sister-friend on Monday that I realized during my Jesus year I received a violent awakening. My mom says that’s harsh but that’s exactly how I felt things went. Not to delve too much into my personal life but my entire world as I knew it was ripped apart, destroyed and lost. Everything. I do mean everything. To this day, the only thing that is still existing from 2017-2018 (my Jesus year) is me. The body but the soul and spirit has changed.

Shift was the first word God gave me. I received it after my 40 day fast. I wasn’t sure what that meant. In fact, I just heard shift and was confused. I thought it meant to create a new program, move to Memphis, change direction of my blog. But nope. It was a shift of my spirit. That shift fast tracked me to enlightenment in ways I can’t even begin to describe. I chose to listen to the Bible in 2018 and then read it word for word in 2019. I felt that would give me answers to questions I didn’t know I had and a way to relive the pain I was experiencing. Honestly, it led to more questions and a realization that my pain wasn’t even necessary as I created a lot of it by holding onto things that God clearly told me to walk away from. But I wasn’t aligned nor in-tune with God to hear that. The only thing I figured to do was release and let go of everything. To repent. And that’s what I did. Doing that allowed my spiritual shift to transcend into something that has enabled me to feel free for the first time in decades.

Worthy was the word I chose for 2020. Each year I like to choose a word or theme to keep me focused on the intentions I set for myself. I’m not sure if I choose this word or if God gave it to me. I’m still learning how to discern God’s voice from my ego (wants, needs, desires that I believe are important). Deep down if I’m honest with myself I wanted to feel worthy. I wanted to know that my existence as a person meant something to someone even if it was just to myself. But in order to feel worthy, I needed to comprehend what that word entailed. For me to be worthy is to know that who you are is enough and to change to make others feel comfortable is diminishing the greatness God saw fit to pour into you. For years, I diminished myself because the company I kept didn’t see their own greatness in themselves. So that meant I felt I couldn’t expressively share mine. Yet, God saw fit to work through and in me the past year to show me how worthy I am not just to Him but to myself as well.

Transformation was what took place from my Jesus year until the end of chapter 35. The wrestling of my spirit with what I thought my life should be. Should like look. Was exhausting and eye-opening simultaneously. Who I am today is not who I was 6 months ago let alone 3 years ago. For that, I am eternally grateful. What I call a violent awakening helped me to remove myself from idols I had created. These idols (relationships, titles, positions, jobs, prestige, material possessions, etc) kept me bound as I used them to determine my worth. But when none of those things existed anymore, you question your worth. This questioning led me to ask why was I even born? And that allowed the necessary transformation to happen to bring me into the calling God assigned to me before I descended into this world. My transformation really was about me maturing as a woman. Being able to see past my emotions. Not acting out because people didn’t do what I thought or expected them to. Seeing that life is more than surface level ambition. That being a “good” person isn’t enough if you continually judge others. If you can’t find calm within your soul then you’ll always find the need to fight when it’s unnecessary.

The past 3 years may have been dark in my opinion. But a lot happens when no one is watching. When no one can see to give their two cents. And that time cultivated a force that needed time to develop without distraction, commentary or nitpicking.

Today is my 36^th Birthday. A day I didn’t think I would make it to. From depression, homelessness, feeling worthless at times, health issues, losing everything not once but 3 times, betrayals, lies and so much more. To be here today is a Blessing and I don’t take it for granted.  

Restoration is where I am today. It’s where God has led me because all those obstacles that cropped up to stop me from doing what I was created to do almost took me out several times. Like literally. I passed out in my classroom and was literally put on bedrest because I couldn’t talk or move for a week. That’s just one example of the enemy trying to stop the greatness God placed in me. But God stayed with me as I journeyed back to Him to truly grasp what my life is supposed to mean for me. There is an article I found if you wanted to read more on restoration as a Biblical concept. I poured so much into others because I believed in their potential when they didn’t even see their potential existed. So to be in a season of restoration is humbling. This time is allowing me to go back to who God called me to and created me to be. To focus on my own potential. This time is a healing time so all wounds, traumas and hurts can no longer keep me chained into positions that limit and destroy the Blessings I’ve been given.

To sum up today, I’m celebrating because it’s my birthday. This day has meaning to me that is sacred and precious because I know the path that I took was meant to make this day obsolete. Yet, it didn’t. Life has a different meaning for me now and I’ve transformed into someone I don’t recognize. Which is a good thing because this peeling back the layers to get to restoration has opened my eyes to just how much of life we think is important is completely unnecessary at the end of the day.

So, celebrate with me by leaving a comment below or sending a gift on Cashapp,

$VernettaRFreeney

Thank you all for being on this journey with me and my prayer is you look to God for restoration in areas of your life or your life as a whole so you can be who He created you to be.

Past Birthday Posts