Being my whole authentic self requires that I have firm boundaries. And those boundaries get tested with intense frequency. Sometimes I feel like an army of one enforcing my boundaries so I can be at ease. But I’m not at ease, I’m frustrated, exhausted or stressed due to the lack of respect for my boundaries. Recently, it’s been a fierce battle. It’s like people feel I should conform to their needs or wants yet neglect mine. I don’t think so.
One boundary that puts me on high alert is when people are desperate to try to force a friendship with me. In my personal opinion desperation is dangerous. I can’t trust people with that yearning that can’t be quenched. And I won’t be bullied into a friendship.
Another boundary that people want to cross is at work. Lawd, the disrespect for my boundaries has left a sour taste in my mouth. Yet, I hold steady despite how high up the directive to ignore my boundaries are. Working within my boundaries ie. during normal business hours allows me to be the most effective and productive. The boundary they want to play around with is my personal time. Baby when I’m not at work, I’m NOT at work. Like I have a life. Hope you do too. When I’m at work, the work gets done. Trust me, it does. Whew…..I just don’t understand the encroachment on my personal time.
I do have to give credit where credit is due because one area that my boundaries are being respected is by my family. We’ve had our own come to Jesus moments, yes moments. My family has been the priority in my life. Sometimes more of a priority than my relationship with Jesus. Yes, I will admit that. It breaks my heart when I can’t do something for my family they need or want. I feel responsible to make sure they’re okay. But it has drained me in every sense of the word.
Between my family and all the people clawing for my attention, help and just using me when I lived in Houston, burnout literally took me down. That experience reshaped how I saw my boundaries. I don’t think I understood the importance of boundaries until I collapsed on the floor in my classroom.
Now, I won’t back down on them. That brings me to today where people new to me are learning quick, fast and in a hurry that I honor myself by respecting my boundaries. It’s been a struggle as I’ve had to just part ways with people that I would have liked to be friends with, get to know or even work with. Well maybe not that last part with everyone I no longer work with. Just saying.
I have firm boundaries because it’s important to me to be here. To live the life God created for me. God brought me into this world for a purpose and that purpose has to be fulfilled so I can make my contribution to the Kingdom of Heaven. So, I say ‘Sorry’ to myself in all the instances I bent my own boundaries for someone else. It’s not my time to see Jesus and I’m sure you don’t want to be sent early for infringing on someone else’s boundaries either, i.e. mine. My prayer is that I no longer give in to that pressure of bending my boundaries. And I pray you withstand the pressure too.
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