The past several months I’ve been working in a fog. I’ve stopped talking to friends and barely speak to my family. Work has just been overwhelming in ways only Black women would understand. I moved across the country with so much excitement only for it to be extinguished with a quickness. I’m going to keep my personal opinion of some people in the Midwest to myself for now.
It’s been 19 months working in Chicago ‘burbs and it’s been nothing short of an intense rollercoaster of emotions and experiences. No matter if it’s the highs or the lows, it’s been clouded with fog.
This is the first time in my life that I feel the position I have on a job is perfect for me. I absolutely love the work that I do. My skill set, abilities and talent that have been sharpened over time is used with ease in my current position. But that’s the extent of the joy I have at my job.
People I work with have not made it easy to adjust here. Everything I say or do is met with ferocious resistance. In the words of Mayor Lori Lightfoot from the show ‘You Don’t Know Chi’, “I’m tough with exacting standards.” I’m the one told I need to change, adjust or shift to make others comfortable because they won’t. It’s frustrating to say the least that expectation is on me and me alone. No matter if I like a person or not, I go in with the intention to do right by them and move on.
As much as I enjoy the work I do, it’s not my whole life. I believe I’m here to be impactful in a way that will bring glory to God because I am a reflection of His love. So to intentionally be mean or go after someone is not anything I do. Yet, I feel like that’s been something I’ve had to endure not just on this job but others. I won’t claim to know the reason but I do feel some people just don’t like that it’s me who can do things well.
Hello somebody!
I work at what I do. I don’t rely on others to compensate for my shortcomings. I study, learn, practice and just do.
The fog has settled for far too long. I’m tired of seeing grey. No matter how dark things get I look for the bright spot. The bright spot is I really enjoy the work I do. That’s what motivates me to go in every day. I don’t let the tasks that I must accomplish in order for others to be able to do their job effectively thwart my drive to do my best. At the end of the day, I feel accomplished because the work is done to the best of my ability.
The internet will tell you a plethora of ways to eliminate brain fog. But for me I have chosen to surrender to God’s Will for my life. I will endure this assignment until I am given a new one. Until then I will continue to make the bright spot appear bigger so I can at least navigate through this fog. It’s not lost on me that I’m feeling this heavy during Black History Month where the theme is African Americans and Labor.
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