Last week, my Pastor preached and this stuck out with me. Like it hit me like a ton of bricks. Now this was an older sermon but for November she was replaying some of her past sermons as she took a sabbatical. And who would have thought that when I heard it live when she preached it and heard it again last week that it would have such a profound effect on me now and not then? This just goes to show that not all sermons spoken are relevant to you when shared at that moment. This alone is really helping me as I’m “Spiritually Becoming” who God created me to be. What am I talking about?
That God may be focusing more on your sin than the situation you’re currently in.
Huh? What does that mean? Well I’m going to break it down to you what it means to me and how it’s applicable to my life. I can only talk about what I know and I know my life all too well.
I’ve been crying out to God to change a situation in my life that’s been existing for far too long in my opinion. I fasted, prayed, read my Bible, repented, sought forgiveness & deliverance, removed myself from dead relationships/situations, isolated myself, left Facebook, and whatever else I thought would help free me from the chains and bondage that has been placed on me. That has been forced on me. That I allowed to take root in my life.
I’m not going to place all the blame outside of myself and not accept what I’ve done or allowed myself. I know what was preventable and what was out of my hands.
Okay back to what I was saying.
I did all I could to be a “better” Christian thinking it would immediately absolve me of the consequences of my actions from things I did when I left the church for 15 years because I was fed up with the hypocrisy within the church. Now doing all that I did is great. It’s necessary. But it’s not a magic bullet to give me what I desire or want when I want it.
When my pastor said that God may be focusing more on your sin than your situation it literally stopped me in my tracks. Like I thought I had repented and stopped sinning. LOL. Let me laugh out loud on that. But it also put things into perspective for me. Whatever sin God is freeing me from is obviously way more important than my current situation I’m dealing with. And God working to free me from that sin as well as the consequences of that sin, I believe, is setting me up on the path of my purpose. My calling. My future.
Now about this situation. It’s not as horrible as I imagine it in my head. It’s frustrating. It’s annoying. It’s bothersome. But I can deal with it. I can. That’s what I’m telling myself. That keeps me from crying y’all. It really does. I just never imagined to be in this situation again. Anyway, I won’t dwell on it.
I’ve learned so much while being in this situation, I’ve gone back to church, I’ve worked on myself, I mean really doing the hard inside work to be the best version of myself possible, gained clarity, freed myself of chains that were choking me. So I am grateful that this situation has given me the opportunity for receiving all of that. For allowing me to be able to take this year off completely from working and be able to work on myself.
I’m not sure what sin God is dealing with, with me. I really don’t. Well I do know I’m still cursing Him and folks out in my head. That could be one. I’m no longer cussing folks all the way out these days. I’m working on not letting the stupidity of others get to me or affect my mood. I’ve come a long way but still have a ways to go. I know I’m struggling with not saving people from themselves. I talked about that last week in my blog post. And I haven’t the last several months. I have helped as God allowed me to but not stepping in to take over and control the situation as I’m used to doing.
My prayer is God frees me from my sin (I don’t care if I ever find out what it is). I just want to not do it again because I want God to not have to deal with my sins to the point that my current situation(s) are put to the side because they’re not that important to Him at the moment. They may be more important to me but that’s another story. I have to learn to let go of controlling how I want God to fix my life.
I made a commitment to be a vessel for Him. So the process of becoming that vessel entails an uncomfortable stretching, growing, letting go, removing of things and sins that are holding me from being of service to those God created me to help.
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