So I’ve been told by a few people I’m controlling. Well, they ain’t lying. I am. I will admit it. In my defense, I get things done. I get results. I’m not aloof. I take charge to ensure that anything I’m part of or will affect me will get done. I don’t like things lingering. It’s just annoying. However, I have had time to think about it lately and it’s beyond exhausting to be that in control of everything all the time. My body was in a constant state of tension because my mind was always racing with what needed to be done. But whenever I took a step back then I’m overreacting.

Hilarious.

I’ve noticed people want my skills to be used for their benefit or advantage but don’t want me to speak up about how utilizing my skillset should go. This is a realization I had to accept. By accept I mean I know what people want and it’s up to me to offer it or not. I’ve decided not to offer it anymore. I have decided not to be in control of anyone but me or anything that I’m not directly supposed to be in charge of.

It’s taken a minute for me to let go but I am. It’s making me rethink how I want to live my life and interact with people. I have stepped up because I don’t like chaos. I don’t want to be associated with it. Nor do I want to be the cause of it. So I use my exquisite organizational skills to keep order. I make no apologies for it. And if I say something related to having to take control then maybe the other people involved should get it together.

I’m not saying be on my level of organization but at least meet a deadline. Or finish what you said you would do. Or let someone know if you’re slacking and things won’t get done. Or you won’t be able to keep up your end. Like open your mouth and communicate. Then people like me won’t step in and take control. I ask people before I step in but you only get one time with me. I don’t do sinking ships and I won’t drown. I’m not dealing with consequences that weren’t of my own doing. So if taking control ensures I stay afloat then I’m taking control of the situation.

Am I ranting? Probably.

That’s okay. I’ll make the necessary adjustments as it relates to being a control freak. The only thing I should control is me, what I do and how I react to things. So welcome, Vernetta, to a new chapter in your life. Y’all pray for me because watching things fall apart is something that challenges my spirit. Yet, it may be time to allow myself to watch things fall apart, step over and move on.

Hmm…..at least when I move on there’ll be a strategic, organized path I plan to follow. Where will that path lead? Who knows but it won’t be chaotic. And that’s important in this new era of my life. 

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