This realization has been something I’ve struggled to not only admit to myself but to accept that it is actually happening. Le sigh……….
I’ve been in mourning the last few weeks as I’ve come to realize someone who pretended to be my friend came into a space and literally distorted the vision I’ve worked 3 years on. It’s the most frustrating form of betrayal for someone to take what you have been given, come in and change it completely to fit their preference. I was upset, angry, hurt yet I wasn’t willing to fight this person for it. If this person wants it so bad, they can have it. God gave me the vision. I delivered what I was told to do. I created something from nothing yet sacrificed so much in the process. So, did my family as they helped not only support the vision but gave financially when others would not.
The last month I’ve literally seen several people lie on me without regard to me being able to show proof about the lies. It’s as if these people don’t even care. And the fact one person has decided to showcase themselves as an authority or expert on something they did not create baffles my mind. Not once did this person ask for my opinion on this project. That’s just one thing that led me to be quiet and watch. But when these people flat out lied on me, I knew it was my time to walk away from something I love.
The act of betrayal is beyond comprehension when all this person had to do was ask if they could take it over. If they saw something there I could not, all they had to do was ask to keep it going. I’m not oblivious to the vision and tactics I have or used. I saw something from the originator and ran with it. If this person saw something I could not then they could have asked instead of distorting my vision behind my back.
I asked the original person who created it and he gave it to me. I shared my vision with him about what I wanted to do. He knew it was something he was not interested in. So, I was off to the races implementing all the ideas I had swirling around my mind for years. To create something, I wished existed when I started out. But today my vision isn’t what I worked the past 3 plus years to create. And that is why I decided to walk away.
I was listening to the billionaire Jack Ma’s advice and he said something to the effect to “think globally but act locally.” That really hit home. I have such huge aspirations and I wanted to take so many local people with me. However, I realized the people I wanted to take with me are more interested in having fun than doing what’s necessary. Jack Ma also said there’s a difference between a platform and a business. I realized I had created a platform. Therefore, it’s open for other people to take and use how they like. I have no control over their decisions. I can’t force them to want to do better or even do what’s necessary to make money when I know how simple it would be for certain people to easily make a little extra money only if they would simply do the right type of work. (yes, that was a run on sentence but the point had to be made. Lol).
I also know what I created was a platform and not a personal business that I can no longer push the vision I have.
I have to be okay that the years of hard work, sacrifice have to be just what they are. Leave it there and be proud of the foundation I built. One others can learn and grow from. This isn’t to say there weren’t people who supported, helped and made sacrifices of their own. But initially it was the vision I was given and they came on board. Now some of them have jumped on board on someone else’s vision for the platform I created and that felt like a knife in my heart.
How easily people can jump from person to person. How easily people run underneath someone who gives them excessive praise, pats them on the back or makes them feel good when they can’t fill that void themselves. And completely dismiss the person who gave them what they asked for.
You may be wondering why I would give up on my vision and walk away. I’m not actually. I’m walking away from this part of the vision. The vision continues. The vision lives on. The vision has legs and is growing into something much bigger than what I’ve been doing.
Since 2011, I have blogged with the intention of making money and helping other bloggers of color especially African American bloggers know that it is not only okay but expected to be paid for the work you do. And that includes using our words, images as a way to create art or information for others to consume.
I have finally grieved and mourned the closing of my current chapter. It was not easy. The dedication to the last few years was just simply something I had lovely attached myself to and invested more than my thoughts, ideas and work ethic. I grew to love something that I created and wasn’t ready to let it go. Now I can. I breathe a sigh of not sure but I can breathe now. I can detach myself and look forward to seeing how it continues well into the future. It may not be the vision I had but I know my legacy of creating the foundation will outlast everything.