I usually choose a word of the year. I’ve done it for several years now. You can read 2015, 2016, 2018. I missed 2017. And I believe the earlier years were on my previous blog. But this year I needed something a little more powerful, in your face and meaningful to my soul. I’m not going to lie. I was going to go on a rant-filled post about all the things that went wrong last year and the people I don’t want to deal with. Then I watched to a clip of Bishop T.D. Jakes laying hands on Pastor John Gray (who he himself have been dealing with a lot lately). That clip moved me. But one part stuck with me and that’s how I’m going to move through the rest of this post. Bishop Jakes said, “you gave them your gift but you didn’t give them you.” Okay, probably paraphrasing but you get the point, right?
This is exactly how I have felt towards so many people over the past few years. They were selfish. They took my gift but discarded me. They wanted me to help them but when I held the mirror up for them to see the see truth about themselves then they attacked me. I realized they were thinking of their own self-interests and I was just a means to an end. I was never considered as an individual with thoughts, feelings or value to them. None of them. I have been called emotionless among other names. I was never appreciated unless I was giving towards their selfish ambition. That hurt but I was more disappointed that I believe their words and ignored their actions. Then it occurred to me. They were looking out for themselves, why wasn’t I? So I redefined what selfish means.
I have to take it upon myself to not give people what I’m not giving to myself. I read on a Facebook friend’s post a couple days ago about a conversation she had with a homeless man. Essentially, it boiled down to this. “She asked how did he get homeless. He told her he gave everything to everyone but himself. Now those same people won’t give him a second look. He said he should have used his bricks to build for himself then invite others in that needed help. Instead he gave all the bricks he had because he didn’t want to see other people in need.” That hit me like a ton of bricks. Pun intended. I’ve done that for so long that I’m utterly exhausted physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, financially. So I have to be selfish with all aspects of me, my time and everything directly connected to me.
The only way I can be selfish is to go on sabbatical and pour into myself over the next year or so. I’m giving myself a minimum of a year to restore all that I’ve lost. I’ve lost so much I can’t even begin to describe it. But my sabbatical is going to be different. Plus I have reached 7 years blogging. So a rest is much needed and on schedule.
Most people know a sabbatical as something you do when taking a break from your job. Yet, you still get paid. Well I’m not taking a break from my blog. My sabbatical will focus on me spending more time on my blog. The amount of time I’ve given to so many other bloggers over the years with nothing to show for it means I should have given that time, resources, energy, strategy, etc to my own blog. And that’s exactly what I will be doing.
I’m taking a sabbatical from…….
- leading people who won’t lead themselves.
- people who lie to use me.
- people who want my gifts but discard me when I say enough.
- people who only reach out when they need me to fix their problems.
- being the problem-solver for everyone else.
- letting people face the consequences of their actions, words, behavior.
- people who need their hand held to follow the dreams they said they wanted.
- babysitting grown ass people.
- being people’s intellectual entertainment.
- saving people from the consequences of their life.
- being praised when they get what they want but talked about behind my back when I don’t do it the way they want.
- people who use me to get ahead because they are too lazy to do the work themselves.
- mediocre people.
- stopping what I’m doing to help you.
- deal with other people’s emergencies.
- giving up what I want to give to others.
- caring for others more than I care for myself.
- people who bring me on board to only take my ideas but never give me credit.
- people who want to be around me when it looks like I’m winning but never contributed to the win.
- people who invade my life without my consent.
- people who make decisions that directly impact my life without my consent.
- people who always ask me to promote them but have NEVER promoted me.
- people who don’t support me and NEVER have in any way.
- one-sided business relationships.
- pretty much people in general.
Yep. I’m going deep into my introvert shell to heal, build my blog back up to where it was years ago, find what brings me joy and nurture relationships with the small group of people I actually care about in this world. Everyone else will just be kept on the outside of the boundaries I’ve put up.